DEATH OF THE SOUL




I LOOK AROUND AND SEE NOTHING BUT HATE. DEATH FOLLOWS ME AND IS STANDING THERE AT EVERY CORNER WAITING FOR MY NEXT STEP. SORROW GREETS ME WITH OPEN ARMS EVERY MORNING AND SELF PITY LAYS ME DOWN TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT TUCKING ME IN ITS BLANKETS OF PAIN AND SUFFERING. I STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM WITH AN EXPRESSIONLESS FACE LOOKING AROUND IT AT THE EMPTINESS THE LONELINESS. I FEAR THAT THIS IS ALL THAT IS LEFT FOR ME TO LIVE FOR. THE MISERY IN LIFE HOLDS ME DOWN DROWNING ME IN ITS DESTITUTION. THE HURT PRESS IN FROM ALL SIDES CRUSHING THE AIR FROM MY LUNGS. DROWNING IN A WORLD FULL OF ANGUISH AND STILL LOOKING FOR JOY IS LIKE LOOKING INTO THE DARK FOR LIGHT BUT FINDING ONLY DARKNESS. I FALL TO MY KNEE’S REALIZING THERE IS NOTHING, NOTHING LEFT FOR ME TO STRIVE FOR. I HAVE HAD A REVELATION THROUGH ALL THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING THAT HAS CONSUMED THE WORLD. THE AGONY HAS FINALLY BLINDED ME THE TORMENTING SCREAMS OF PAIN FALL ON DEAF EARS, AND THE WAILS OF SORROW NO LONGER PULL AT THE STRINGS OF MY HEART. MY SOUL HAS FINALLY TURNED BLACK AND COLD LEAVING ME NUMB TO THAT WHICH PLAGUES ME AND THE WORLD. I HAVE FINALLY BECOME THE THING I DESPISED. THE PUTRID SMELL OF MY ROTTING, DECAYING, AND DIEING SOUL IS WOVEN THROUGH THE AIR. I LOOK AT THE LANDSCAPE THAT FALLS BEFORE ME AND STARE INTO THE SMOLDERING ABYSS. THE GROUND IS SCORCHED A GRAYISH COLOR AS IF BURNT. BITS OF SMOLDERING ASH WAFT THROUGH THE AIR ON A BLISTERING BREEZE THAT FEELS AS IF IT CAME FROM A BLAZING INFERNO. BUILDINGS LAY ALL AROUND ME IN SMOLDERING RUIN. I LOOK TO THE HEAVENS AND TO MY HORROR I REALIZE THE HEAVENS ARE NO LONGER THERE BUT IN IT PLACE IS A CONFLAGRATION. I STAND THERE DUMB STRUCK AT THE REALIZATION AT WHAT I HAVE BECOME ON THE INSIDE. I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES AND WAIL IN AGONY AS THE RAGE WITH IN BUILDS TO AN INSURMOUNTABLE INTENSITY SCREAMING TO BE RELEASED. I FALL FORWARD TO MY HANDS AND STARE DOWN INTO A PUDDLE OF STEAMING WATER. THERE LOOKING INTO THAT PUDDLE ON ALL FOURS I GAZE INTO MY EYES AS I CRY TEARS OF BLOOD. I WATCH AS THEY DRIP INTO THE PUDDLE STAINING IT FOREVER A DARK CRIMSON RED. I SCREAM AGAIN AND BALL MY FISTS UP SQUEEZING THE ASH THROUGH MY FINGURES. I LOOK UP AT THE WASTELAND BEFORE ME ONCE MORE AND A BLOOD CURDLING CRY ESCAPSES FROM MY LIPS. I LOOK BACK DOWN AND NOTICE THEN THAT THE SKIN ON THE BACK OF MY HANDS AND ARMS ARE AN ASH GRAY AND CRACKS WITH A MOLTEN GLOW TRACE THEM ALL THE WAY UP. I LOOK INTO THE PUDDLE AND NOTICE MY FACE AND NECK ARE THE SAME. I GAZE INTO THE PUDDLE AND TRY BLINKING THE BLOOD FROM MY EYES THAT HAS PUDDLED THERE. I CLOSE MY EYES ONE LAST TIME WISHING THEN THAT IT WAS OVER THAT I COULD LEAVE THIS LIFE. KNOWING THOUGH THAT I CAN’T I OPEN THEM AND I’M STANDING THERE HAND’S PLACED ON THE COUNTER LEANING FORWARD WITH MY FOREHEAD RESTING AGAINST THE GLASS MIRROR.



Untitled

The time has come we rush, rush, rush. We gather things in a haste not
knowing what we will need.
Nervous, ecstatic, full of fright at what is happening.
Rush, rush, rush the time has come.
We bound for the car. Hands shaking I fumble with the keys.
A nervous wreck the keys tumble from my
Quivering fingers. In a frantic haste to
Scoop them up I smack the back of my head on
The side mirror.
Finally I manage to unlock the doors of the car
With both hands I get the key into the
Ignition and start it.
Rush, rush, rush we are finally on our way.
Throwing it in reverse I step
On the accelerator
I cut it hard to the right and run over
The trash cans in my haste.
I swiftly put it in drive and move up.
I jump out of the car
And set the trash cans back up
Making a mad dash for the car again
I trip over the cat.
Getting up I fumble with the door latch
Barely able to open the door
In my blundering haste.
Rush, rush, rush it is time.
Swerving in and out of traffic,
Honking my horn.
I stop at a traffic light. Barely
Able to contain myself I look both ways
And run the damned light.
Flying down the road.
Rush, rush, rush we finally make it.
Stumbling through the door
I shout at the first nurse I see to follow me
I grab a wheelchair and run franticly
For the car. The nurse helps me get her from the car
And into the wheelchair. The nurse takes her and tells me to
Sit down in the ER and breath and calm down.
I follow them inside as a doctor
Rushes to their side and they take her to the OR
Rush, rush, rush it is happening
I hear the blood curdling screams of pain
As I pace out side the doors
The color drains from my face
As the screams of pain
Fill my ears and my imagination
Begins to take hold and mold a picture
Of death and life in my minds eyes
Tears begin to stream down my face
As silence suddenly fills my ears
The nurse touches my arm
And says I can enter.
Rush, rush, rush it has happened.



DESPARE


The darkness swirls around in an all consuming maelstrom
Of hatred
The feeling of being lost slowly creeps into the
Very marrow of its being
Darkness pressing in on it from all sides swallowing
All thought of hope
In the darkness lying there on the ground
Overwhelmed by fear trembling at the prospect of what
Might lurk inches away.
Fright begins to take hold of the mind
As horrific images begins to dance across the minds eyes.
Jumping at a noise in the distance
Heart racing, muscles remaining taut ready to bolt
Head long into the
Abysmal darkness recklessly abandoning
All pretenses of security
Ears straining for the slightest sound of peril that
Lays in waiting out there
In the unknown depths of darkness.




Untitled.


We wonder around lost in thought.
We wonder around lost in the darkness of our own mind.
The darkness we wonder around in
is the labyrinth of our soul.
We stumble, slip, and fall head over heel in the
darkness of our heart.
We spiral downwards in the darkness lost and out of control.
And as we fall, spinning in our spiraling decent
we curl up and weep at the lack of substance with in us.
As we crumble on the ground at the end of our decent
we slowly crawl to a near by mirror and, look into it.
We stare in horror at the emptiness with in us.
As our black pupil less eyes seep with
pain an agony from with in.
We crumble yet once more laying there in the dark confines
of our heart, our soul, and our mind.
Lying there on the dark, cold, damp ground of our own being
lost and out of control. No longer wanting to be.



The Unknown

I lay there in the darkness hearing the canon's thunderous blasts in the distance.
I lay there drifting off to sleep not knowing if I shall awaken in the morning.
Not knowing if my fellow comrades will be there with me when I cry out for them.
A single tear rolls down my cheek washing away the dust that covers my face.
In the distance the canon's thunderous blast is heard as I drift to sleep not knowing.



Untitled


It's been three long years
Since I've seen those eye's
And I don't know if I can stand the lye's.
I've seen what hides behind
Those cries and I don't know
If I could live or die.
I sit up high as the hatred
Burns inside begging me
To let it be
Why I plead do you tantalize
Those lives on the other side
To far gone to let it be
I let fly all that hides
Deep inside.



Blood of The Innocents


In the depth's of this murky darkness a beast sits in hiding waiting patiently
But longing for an innocent unsuspecting victim to travel across it path.
The evil beast sits in hiding lurking in the depths of darkness for days until
Finally the all to familiar scent washes over him
He sits there patiently as his nostrils flare in the darkness
Taking in the sweet aroma of his new prey
Building his lust to an insurmountable point
Until finally the vile beast can no longer contain his blood lust for the carnage.
It howls as it lashes out with it mangled maw capturing it victim, it prey
By the throat.
the blood from the innocent gushes into the beast mouth
Sending it into a euphoric ecstasy
As it ravages it helpless victim with its blood stained claws.




Alone


I sit on the hills of the east
Watching as the suns beams of light
Crest the horizon washing
The valley below with it rays of hope
Bringing with it the idea's
Of peace and prosperity
I watch the village inhabitants from
Upon the hills in the east
Step from their cottages as the
Suns light sprays across their faces
Washing them in its warmth and purity
They smile and laugh in pure harmony
oblivious to the pain and suffering
of those outside their
Gentle humble abodes.


Keep an eye out for there will be more to come.

IS IT LOVE...


The whisper of a summer breeze

The scent of fresh cut grass

The soft touch of a gentle rain

The warmth of the suns rays

All these things remind me

Of you…..

I see your smile and my heart soars

I hear your voice and my heart flutters

Nothing else matters….

But us

I love you baby

..........................................................



LOVE

The whisper barely heard as it caresses your ear

The faint scent that stirs your senses

The wondrous look in your lovers eyes just before your lips
meet

Or the feather light touch of his finger tips as he
caresses your skin

The yearning deep within as your bodies meet and your souls
merge

Joined forever as one….
................




OBSESSED


I hear your voice…

And it is liquid running through my veins

As I wonder what your touch is like

I touch your picture, with my fingertips

Caressing your cheek as I trace your lips

Yearning….

To touch them with my own …softly… teasing… tasting

Lying here wondering

Are you thinking of me

Or am I obsessed

.......................................



DREAMS

You came to me in a dream

Silent and beguiling

My eyes fluttered open still heavy from sleep

As you stood at the edge of my bed

I felt your lips brush my neck

As you stood looking down at me

Holding me with your eyes….

I gasped breath caught in my throat

I feel your touch, So soft and sweet

My back arches

As I watch you standing there

Holding me with your eyes

Mesmerized neither speaking

My nipples harden

As I watch your shirt unbutton

Every nerve on edge as you stood there

Holding me with your eyes

Neither of us touching yet feeling it all

Your clothes disappear

As I watch mesmerized

How can this be I wonder?

Speechless... Lost within your eyes

I feel your lips brush mine slowly sweetly

I inhale your scent so fresh and clean

Biting my lip Body shivering…quivering

As you hold me with your eyes

I feel your body hard and strong Covering mine

A soft moan escapes my lips

As I arch up to meet you

Wanting …needing….

As you hold me with your eyes

The flames ignite As I moisten

My blood runs hot As passion engulfs us

Your mouth smothering The soft moan

before it escapes my lips

And our bodies merge as one

You hold me with your eyes...

I feel our souls touch

No words are spoken.. .

None are needed

Just a vortex of sensation

Our hearts pounding

As you hold me with your eyes

The Delicate Angel


From the first time I saw you, I thought you were an angel
sent here by mistake. But over time I realize it was no
mistake. And now as I look into your eyes that shine so
brightly like the brightest stare on the darkest of winter
nights or your smile the way it brightens the rainiest of my
days. And skin as soft as silk or your laugh the way it
brings pure harmony to my soul. Now is when I realized that
you where not sent here by mistake. But you were to bring
joy and happiness to all around you. Now is when I realize
you to be my delicate angel.





I Wonder




I sit in the dark wondering if she knows
Wondering if she knows how it has been
How it has been for me since the day she left
Since the day she left me standing there alone
Left me standing there alone and broken heart ed
I wonder if she knows that the way i felt for her
Hasn't changed the way I felt for her from the first
Time I saw her the first time I saw here standing there
On the stairs standing there on the stairs I realized
That an angel had blessed me with her presence had
Graced me with her beauty the way her hair flowed in a
Mid summers breeze the way her eye's shined like a mid
Summer night stare the way she laughed how it brought
Harmony and peace to my soul how just seeing her would
Brighten my darkest nights I wonder if she knows how I
Feel has never changed and will never change I wonder
If she knows?




Cinderella




Your eyes are like twinkling night stars.
And your hair is like strains of gold being
blown in the wind. And your touch is like
none other our touch is a special touch a
touch that word's or gift's couldn't even
express touch. And your gentle lips
pressing up against mine send me to cloud
nine. And your beauty matches no other your
beauty is over any goddess. And when u talk
to me it like listening to angels sing the
most heavenly song on earth. And when you
look at me it like your and angel ur self to
come and show man kind what he is missing
out on. And so my love for you is real not
fake I would do any thing to show my love
for you. But you your love is not real.
Your love is evil and undignified. Your
love is like that of an evil beast on a
hunt of it prey it loves the catch but it
devourers it in one bite.





Wishing You Were Here




On every star I made a wish when you come into my life.
I had such hope you'd be the one to end my search and strife.
Life partners for the final part - the days that we have left;
sharing, caring, being there, forgiving each our debt.
But loving; even being loved is not for everyone.
Trust to each comes warily, but must he, "all or none."
To lose communication and let feelings become now,
this breach of our togetherness is not what I foresaw.
Now can the lost hope he regained;
cross signals he reversed?
Here in our own-world, selfish, self-we live and stay immersed.
Measure current actions well, future intentions not.
Seek to know the reason, then until the wretched knot.
Too late for perfect, flawless love - a brand new start is out.
Perhaps with empathy and change a brand new end may come about.




To Lose The Love



To love, to love.I have experienced true
love. A love that should have never of
ended. But ended on my loves accord.And so I
mope around day and night till i have her
back in my arms but I always fall short of
finding that love. The one true love the
love that no one but that special some one
has for me and only me. I wish, I wish I
could hold her in my arms again, and smell
her perfume, and her gentle touch against my
skin. But fate keeps us apart at all times.
And so I do not know if I'll ever hold her
delicate hand in mine ever again.
I long to hear her sing song voice in my
ear, and I long to hold her under an
umbrella in a summers rain, I long to kiss
her sweet gentle lips. But I will never be
able to do any of that ever again because
of one reason and one reason only she does
not feel the same as I do.




The Questionable



As I lay here on my back
Looking to the sky and
Wondering what my lay
Beyond the dark vastness
Of space an empty feeling
over takes me and I feel a tear
run down my cheek. I fear I am
Alone and cold and I shall
Never feel again
As I lay on my back and
Look in to the vast depths
Of space I wonder why
I feel the way I do.